


I shouldn’t like you

by damagederudite



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27328831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damagederudite/pseuds/damagederudite
Summary: Before Natalie and Andrew were the otp they are today, Natalie had her eyes on someone else, an Erudite girl.
Relationships: Andrew Prior/Natalie Prior, Jeanine Matthews & Andrew Prior, Jeanine Matthews/Natalie Prior
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	I shouldn’t like you

Jeanine tries her best not to stare, she is not a fool, she knows that her gaze can make people uncomfortable. She has had an intimidating air about her for as long as she can remember. People went from being afraid to being in awe and afraid, and whilst it’s always better to have a positive emotion directed towards you than a negative, it doesn’t make her feel any less alone. In fact, Jeanine believes that she probably felt less alone when people were just afraid of her. At least when she was seen as weird by most of the school, there was still one person who cared for her. Andrew Prior. 

Andrew was a family friend, someone that Jeanine has known her whole life. The Matthews and Prior families have been friends for as long as anyone can remember. They have been Erudite for as long as anyone could remember until Andrew decided to transfer. Now, Andrew resides in Abnegation with his picture perfect family. Andrew Prior, Natalie Prior, Caleb Prior and Tris Prior all stand only metres away from her. Jeanine can’t help but look at them with a certain sense of longing. 

They all appear so loving. Their lives are so simplistic. Jeanine’s life is the complete opposite. It is empty and manic. 

Jeanine has known her whole life that she would never be like them. She never tricked herself into believing that she could have a family, she has never wanted children anyway. However, there was certainly a point that she allowed herself to ponder the idea of being loved. The idea of being loved by the exact same person that loves her ex-best friend. Natalie Prior.

-

Jeanine tucks her hair behind her ears as she waits for the class to begin. Andrew is sitting a few seats away from her, he gives her a small smile before returning to unpacking his backpack. Jeanine smiles back and gives him a small nod before deciding to open her textbook to read ahead, an activity that Norton has encouraged her whole life. 

A few minutes later, more and more people begin to fill the class. Jeanine keeps her head buried in her book, not willing to attempt to engage in conversation or even look at the other students in her class. None of them like her very much anyway. The bell rings and almost everyone is sat down. The teacher steps out from behind her desk and clasps her hands together, clearly expecting the class to begin listening. 

A minute later, a frantic looking girl bursts through the door. She is Dauntless, that much is obvious to everyone, but Jeanine is better at reading people than that. Just by looking at this girl once Jeanine can tell that she is not really suited to Dauntless. She is terrified that she is late. Much like Andrew, Jeanine attempts to rack her brain for who this girl is but comes up empty. That’s odd. 

The teacher presses her lips into a tight line when she sees the girl. “Miss Wright.” she comments. “You are late.”

“I know. I am so sorry.” she says. There are books in both of her arms, her bag is on her back but is undone and doesn’t look like it contains anything. Jeanine scans the backpack with her attentive eyes and spots that the zip is broken. She feels a pang of sympathy in her stomach, that must be the reason that she is late. 

“What’s done is done.” The teacher looks her up and down. “Sit next to Jeanine please Natalie.” 

Natalie looks around, having no idea who Jeanine is. The teacher continues to stare at her with piercing eyes, clearly showing no signs of going to help the girl. Jeanine sighs before waving. Natalie still doesn’t notice and her cheeks begin to flush red, growing more and more embarrassed. “Over here.” Jeanine calls. 

Natalie’s head snaps around to where the slightly agitated voice came from. Natalie awkwardly smiles before wobbling over to Jeanine, her shaky legs making everything so much harder for her. Andrew appears to be the only other person in the class who is even slightly sympathetic towards Natalie and him and Jeanine share a concerned look. 

Jeanine forces a smile when Natalie finally sits down. She had grown used to no one being sat next to her so having someone there will certainly be an adjustment but she has to at least try to make this mysterious girl not hate her. She watches as Natalie attempts not to drop all of her books as she tries to put them back into her broken bag. Jeanine shocks the both of them by reaching out and grabbing some of her books. In doing so, their hands graze and Jeanine turns bright red. Not sure why, she attempts to brush the feeling off and help Natalie.

When all of the books are in Natalie’s bag again, Natalie thanks her. “I don’t know what I would have done without you so far.” she nervously jokes. 

Jeanine shrugs. “You won’t have to find out.”

Natalie smiles and, this time, it isn’t forced out of nerves. “Natalie Wright.” she extends her hand out for Jeanine to shake.

Jeanine takes it. “Jeanine Matthews.” 

Natalie has to hide her surprise when she hears this innocent looking girl's name. That can’t be right. Perhaps there are two Jeanine Matthews? This can’t be who she has to stop. This can’t be who David told her to kill if she has to. She doesn’t think that she could. 

-

Andrew is sitting on Jeanine’s bed as Jeanine works away on her laptop at her desk. Andrew’s legs are swinging, an obvious sign of his impatience. Jeanine just ignores him like she always does when he is like this,

“All you do is work.” he whines. “There is so much more to life than school and work Jean.”

Jeanine rolls her eyes, she knew that this was coming. “We are Erudite’s Andrew,” She puts a full stop to finalise her sentence before spinning around on her chair. “That is all we are meant to do.” 

“But don’t you think we should take a break every now and then?” Andrew asks. He loves learning but sometimes he can’t help but think that he wants more than to be drowning in books all night and day. Jeanine is much more invested in work than he is. She always wants to learn. 

“Sure. Sleep is an essential part of remaining alive.” Jeanine grins.

Andrew rolls his eyes before storming out of the room and slamming his bedroom door. He isn’t angry, not at Jeanine anyway, but he just can’t be there right now.

-

It’s been weeks since Jeanine first met Natalie and she can't help but look forward to faction history when she remembers that she sits next to her. Natalie is nice and funny. Jeanine helps Natalie get through her class. They are a great duo. 

“So,” Natalie decides to strike up a conversation. Jeanine looks up from her textbook. “Do you have a boyfriend?” 

Jeanine falters for a second. Why would Natalie Wright of all people ask her that? Are they friends now? Why is Jeanine even so bothered by the question? She collects herself before shaking her head. “I’m not… that way inclined.” Jeanine wants to slap herself when she registers the way she just put it. Why couldn’t she have just said that she is gay? She hasn’t felt like this since she came out to Andrew. Does she really care about Natalie’s opinion that much? 

Natalie arches an eyebrow. “That way inclined? What do you mean by that?” She knows what she means, of course she does, but for some reason she needs to hear her say it. She needs the confirmation that Jeanine likes girls just like she needed the confirmation that Jeanine is single. She suddenly remembers that she may in fact not be single, she only asked about boys. A pang of jealousy goes through her that sends a shock to her system. Why does she care? Jeanine’s love life is her business. 

“I’m…” Jeanine studies Natalie’s open body language, she looks safe. “Gay. I’m gay. No men… Only women. God, I need to stop talking now.” Jeanine turns bright red, much like she did when their hands made contact the first time they met.

Natalie smiles at Jeanine’s awkwardness, She finds herself finding it weirdly adorable. She pushes that thought down before taking her hand. Why did she do that? Her mind quickly attempts to make up an excuse before deciding to pass it off as acceptingness. “That’s great. Good for you.” She cringes at how awful that sounded before pulling her hand away and awkwardly playing with her sleeve under the table. 

Jeanine nods slowly. “Thanks?” 

The two sit in silence for the rest of the lesson, neither sure what to say.

-

“I’m telling you Andrew, she hates me now!” Jeanine exclaims before flopping onto the pillows on her bed. 

Andrew sighs, following her into her room. He perches himself on the edge of her bed. He takes Jeanine’s hand and begins to run circles on the back of it. “I’m sure she doesn’t Jean.” He has only really spoken to Natalie a few times but she doesn’t seem like the kind to hold such a trivial fact against someone. 

“You don’t know that though!” Jeanine’s voice is slightly muffled by the pillows and she clutches her teddy to her chest. Jeanine finds it much easier to find connections with inanimate objects than actual people. She thought she had got somewhere with Natalie but now she doesn’t know. 

“Some people just don’t know how to react to information like that. They don’t know what the correct thing to say is.” 

Jeanine’s head snaps up. “So you think I made her uncomfortable?” 

“No. No.” Andrew shakes his head, “That’s not what I said. I-”

“No!” Jeanine shoots up, shaking her head and cutting him off. “You are right. You are 100% right!” She clutches her head and begins to pace her room, obviously spiralling. “She… She feels uncomfortable around me. But she also doesn't want me to think that she is prejudiced…” 

Andrew stands and grabs her hands, taking them away from her head before she can do any damage. “That is not what I said, Jeanine. You are blowing this all so far out of proportion and you are only going to stress yourself out.” He squeezes her hands and in a futile attempt to calm her down. He still feels them shake. “Jeanine.” He whispers. “Jeanine you need to calm down.” He puts his forehead on hers. “Come on. It’s okay. Everything is okay.” He soothes.

He feels Jeanine begin to relax and relief washes over him. Jeanine can begin to spiral so easily, and once she has begun, she is very hard to get back. He guides her back to her bed and sits her down. Just as he is about to sit next to her, he spots a tear slowly falling down her cheek. He walks over to her bedside table on the other side and grabs a tissue. He walks back over and hands it to her. 

“Thank you.” she whispers, taking it from him. She hates being seen as weak but she has little choice with Andrew. They live together and have done ever since her parents died. If anyone is going to see her weak, it might as well be him. 

Andrew’s curiosity gets the better of him. “Why do you think you care so much about what she thinks?” He thinks that he knows the answer but he needs Jeanine to admit it to both herself and him. 

Jeanine sighs. She wipes another tear away from her cheek with a shaking hand before playing with the tissue and staring down at her hands. “There is something about her. She intrigues me.”

“Intrigues you? Do you mean that you like her?” Andrew probes.

Jeanine takes a deep breath before nodding. “Maybe. I am not sure. But yes. I think so.” 

Andrew nods before pulling her in for a hug. “She doesn’t hate you and thank you for telling me.”

-

It’s been a week since the awkward encounter between Jeanine and Natalie and there is still unsolved tension there. Unsolved tension that Natalie decides to break in a way that could go very well or very badly. “Do you have a girlfriend then?” 

Jeanine’s eyes widen. “N-No.” she chokes out. “W-Why?”

Natalie shrugs. “You just said that you don’t have a boyfriend and, well, since you are gay I thought that maybe you have a glifriend.”

Jeanine shakes her head. “Nope. I am single.” 

Natalie hates the feeling of relief that she gets. She shouldn’t be feeling this way about Jeanine. She doesn’t usually feel this way about other girls for a starter. She has always been open? Yes, she has always been open to the possibility of being with another girl but she has never really felt this way about someone of the same gender before. And then of course there is the issue of Jeanine being the whole reason is she is Chicago in the first place. She is here to stop her, not fall in love with her, This all makes no sense. 

“What about you?” Jeanine asks. She doesn’t get her hopes up, Natalie is a gorgeous girl, she probably has everyone in the school after her. 

“I’m single too.” 

-

“She’s single!” Andrew exclaims, repeating what Jeanine just told him.

“Who’s single?” Kevin asks, throwing his briefcase down on the table. 

Both of the teenagers wince at Kevin’s antics. That will cause a mark. 

“Jeanine’s crush.” Andrew tells him, grinning.

Kevin chokes. “Jeanine has a crush?!” His voice is laced in disbelief which would offend most people. 

Andrew nods, his grim growing more and more by the second. 

“Andrew.” Jeanine whines. Kevin will never shut up about this now and they all know that. It’s just that Andrew doesn’t want him to shut up about it.

“Tell me everything.” His grin matches his son’s as he guides the two to the kitchen table. He sits opposite Andrew and Jeanine and awaits to be told the story with an expectant look on his face.

Jeanine sighs, aware that there is no way that she can get out of this. “She is called Natalie Wright and she is new to my faction history class.” She can’t help but smile a little at how interested Kevin looks, her parents never would have acted like that. “She sits next to me and yeah we hit it off I guess.” She shrugs, there really isn’t much else to say.

“Oh come on Jeanine! I need more than that!” He looks to his son. “Have you met her, Andrew? You two are in the same class. Right?”

Andrew nods. “We are in the same faction history but I can't really say that we have spoken much. She’s pretty though, I know that much.” 

Kevin smirks at that. “What faction is she?” he asks them both,

“Dauntless.” Jeanine replies. 

“We like a bit of the Dauntless girls do we?” He is fully smirking now. He gives Jeanine a wink which causes her to laugh a little.

-

Why is this topic so hard?” Natalie whines, throwing her pen down on her paper and crossing her arms.

Jeanine finds the topic ridiculously easy but she decides not to tell her Dauntless friend that. She doesn’t need to brag about her abnormal intellectual capabilities right now. Instead, she places her pen down and scoots slightly over to the left to look at Natalie’s page. 

“Want help?” she offers. Natalie hesitates a minute before nodding. Jeanine laughs a little. “You only had to ask.” 

Natalie smiles a little, her body language becoming more relaxed. She is beginning to think that she might be able to get through a life of Erudite if Jeanine is there with her. 

-

Over the next few weeks, the two decide to start tutoring. They meet in the library and go over anything that Natalie is struggling with. Jeanine has quickly come to realise that Natalie might be better suited to Erudite than Dauntless and she wants to make sure that she has a good enough chance in initiation. 

It’s late one Friday evening when Natalie takes herself by surprise. Jeanine is flicking through her meticulous notes to find the ones required to help Natalie pass her maths test when something is ignited inside of Natalie. All of a sudden, she can’t focus on anything but Jeanine and the rapid beating of her heart. Jeanine is just about to hand her the notes when Natalie practically pounces on her. 

When she finally gets past her initial shock, Jeanine kisses the girl back. Natalie’s hand moves up to cup the blonde’s cheek as she deepens the tender kiss. 

Perhaps realising what she has just done when she sees that she is on top of Jeanine, Natalie pulls back. She slides off of a very confused and breathless Jeanine before apologising. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” 

As if to reassure her that everything is ok, it’s Jeanine’s turn to pull Natalie in for a kiss. Natalie kisses back instantly but this time they remain upright. “There is nothing to apologise for.” Jeanine whispers against the Dauntless’ lips when she pulls back. 

When Jeanine comes back home that night she has a bright smile on her face and Andrew forces her to tell the whole family what happened. Needless to say, they were all very happy for her. 

-

“Maybe we should do something for real.” Natalie suggests during faction history.

“What do you mean?” Jeanine asks, still highlighting the key information in her text.

“Like try and go on a real date.” Natalie all of a sudden has a bad feeling that Jeanine regrets what happened between them and that she wants to never speak of it again. “Of course if that’s what you want.” 

Jeanine smiles and discreetly takes her hand under the table. “I would love to. You need to stay calm.” 

Natalie takes a deep breath. Perhaps being nervous is a good sign, it shows how much she likes her. 

-

Jeanine giggles as Natalie attempts to talk to Kevin. Carrie and Andrew are sitting on the sofa, covering their mouths to hide their amusement. Jeanine is standing next to Kevin who is gripping her hand tightly. Natalie is opposite them, growing more and more awkward by the second. 

“So, your intentions for my best friend’s daughter, I want to hear them.” Kevin repeats for the second time. Natalie is still lost at what to say.

Andrew finally can’t contain his laughter any longer and Carrie decided to call an end to Kevin’s games. “Kevin! Leave the poor girl alone and let Jeanine go on her damn date!” she commands. 

Kevin pretends to be disappointed before giving Jeanine a quick smile and releasing his grip on her hand. “You got it girl.” he mouths.

Jeanine smiles at him and the others before guiding Natalie out of the apartment. “I am so sorry about that.” she apologises, also trying to conceal her laughter. “He wasn’t serious you know.”

“Hah. That’s good.” Natalie is still visibly nervous. 

Jeanine pulls her in for a chaste kiss. “You have no reason to be worried.” she reassures her. “This is very relaxed. Just two girls going to some weird forest place you won’t tell me about.” she jokes. 

Natalie obviously relaxes under Jeanine’s touch. “Yes.” she agrees. “Let’s go.”

At that, the two take off down the road. Natalie dragging Jeanine most of the way. Jeanine is visibly out of the breath when they finally make it to their destination and Natalie can’t help but be attracted to that. She has grown used to Dauntless now, no one wants to show weakness and everything is a competition.  
She loves that Jeanine is different from them. 

She pulls her through an overgrown patch until they reach a clearing. 

“Wow!” Jeanine exclaims, taking in her surroundings. “It’s beautiful!”

“That’s what I thought. I am glad you agree.” Natalie has loved this place ever since she moved to Chicago. For the first couple of days she wandered around, trying to get her bearings, and she accidentally stumbled upon here. It has been her own quiet place ever since. 

Natalie takes a picnic blanket out of her backpack before placing it down on the floor and helping Jeanine sit down. She sits down next to her. Jeanine takes her hand, a serene feeling coming over her.

“Can I ask you something?” Natalie whispers. She needs to know the answer to this question but she doesn’t know if Jeanine is comfortable enough to give it. She needs to understand what is going on with her.

“Sure.”

“When did you realise that you are gay?”

The question takes Jeanine slightly aback even though she had been expecting it. She has been suspecting that she is the first girl Natalie has liked and it’s more than understandable that Natalie would have questions. She attempts to compose an answer that Natalie will understand. “Well first of all, it’s important to remember that everyone is different, you will need to work things out on your own.” Natalie nods. She may not like it but she knows that Jeanine is right. It isn’t Jeanine’s job to work it out for her. “I was eight. I really liked my friend.” Jeanine smiles a little remembering it. “It was pretty obvious for me. I think I have known most of my life.” 

Natale sighs. “Why has life got to be so complicated.” She is talking about so much more than the idea of her not being straight. She is still meant to be against Jeanine but, right now, all she feels towards the blonde Erudite is overwhelming love and affection. 

“One of life’s great mysteries. But I honestly wouldn’t stress too much about it Natalie. You don’t have to label yourself. I always say that you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

Natalie smiles and nods. “Yeah. You are right. And right now, I think I’m falling for you.”

Jeanine turns bright red. “Me too.” she confesses.

Natalie decides to take Jeanine’s advice for now. She won’t stress about David. 

-

Jeanine is taken back to reality when she hears a voice, Andrew. 

“Jeanine.” he says. “How have you been?”

She forces a smile onto her face. “Just great. You?” 

“Good.”

“Good.” 

Things will never not be awkward between them. Andrew will never not hate her. Natalie on the other hand, will never not love her. No matter how deep down she has buried her feelings, they will always be there. She will always remember that time she told Jeanine Matthews she was falling for her and she will always remember how kind Jeanine was on her first day at school. 

Perhaps if it wasn’t for the bureau, things would have been different but that isn't the case. Natalie had to stop her and, when she began growing closer of Andrew and he became weary, she was reminded of that. It didn’t make the break up any easier though.

-

“What are you saying?” Jeanine asks, tears beginning to well up in her watery grey eyes. Natalie is sat opposite her in the library, her body language extremely close off and her face showing a mixture of hate and pain. 

“I don’t want to do this Jeanine. Please understand that.” Natalie tries.

“Understand?!” Jeanine shouts.”No Natalie, what I understand is that you have been lying to me for almost a year now. I loved you!” Her last words tear them both apart. They had never told each other, Jeanine had always been too afraid and Natalie knew that. Now, now that she may never see Natalie again, Jeanine wanted to say it more than ever. “But I disgust you. Don’t I? You hate me and you have been made to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you-“

“You do!” Jeanine cuts her off. “Oh and I hope you and Andrew are very happy together.” She stands up and storms off, tears blurring her vision. 

Natalie begins to break as she watches her walk away. Nothing will ever be the same in her life again, she lost the one person that made her feel at ease in this new world.


End file.
